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Posted by Xyn at 22:33:24 06/02/2004.
A/N: I wanted to thank everyone who gave me input on the draft. I took the advice to heart and tried to improve on the story. The most common complaint was that it was a little wordy at parts, so I tried to tone my diction down, especially in the second half of the fic. Also, special thanks to Wolf for beta reading and to Shi who convinced me not to scrap this.
Warnings: Death. I suppose this could be an AU of events that occur right after Subaru loses his eye.
Twilight Incarnadine
Seishirou looked down upon the still form of the Sumeragi. The bedroom was dark; the neon skyline of Tokyo faintly illuminated the picture window, breathing an ethereal glow over the slender onmyouji. The sight was entrancing and Seishirou allowed himself an indefinite amount of time to study the contrast of dimmest light and brightest shadow splayed across the tranquil face.
He lit up a cigarette; the whisper of the lighter being struck was more of a threatening hiss in the quiet recesses of the Sumeragi's apartment. Subaru lay golden beneath the flaring flame before his phosphorescence died away with the deftest flick of Seishirou's fingers and the lighter was deposited back in his pocket once again. The Sakurazukamori inhaled deeply, the tip of the cigarette burning a furious red. He exhaled, watching the delicate tendrils of gray smoke curl upwards through the blackness and dissolve, leaving only its acrid scent behind. The young onmyouji still lay motionless on the bed, no witness to the events around him.
Seishirou continued his silent vigil; the night was still young.
// Seishirou sent out a mild wave of consciousness, probing the interior of the apartment behind the closed door. He knew Subaru was home; he had watched the other man enter his residence not too long ago. Touching lightly upon the familiar aura, he discovered that Subaru was lying curled up on the covers of his bed. Still awake, Seishirou deduced. The Sumeragi was probably holding out, hoping that whatever visitor was on his doorstep would decide that he wasn't home and go away. Seishirou couldn't suppress a smirk; he hooked his sunglasses on the front of his suit pocket before knocking on the door again, more insistently this time.
He felt that aura begrudgingly stir from its place of rest and teeter headlong down the hall. Seishirou heard a few dull thuds from within, most likely from Subaru slamming into the wall as he staggered his way to the front door. Consciously widening his smirk into the gentle smile of a dead veterinarian, Seishirou steeled himself in anticipation of the Sumeragi's reaction.
Locks clicked back and the door opened heavily to reveal a very fatigued onmyouji, his one emerald eye glazed, the other hidden behind a swathe of bandages. However, Subaru sobered up considerably when he saw who stood before him. Seishirou noted the appealing fissures of shock radiating through that one gem.
"Good evening, Subaru-kun," he said, voice smooth and relaxed. In his hands, he fingered the long stem of a white petaled rose.//
Seishirou switched on the bedside lamp, bathing the motionless form of his prey in its yellow warmth. With eyes closed in serenity, Subaru looked so fragile, yet so tangible. Like the delicate, crystalline structure of a snowflake, his beauty could only be visually admired; touching destroyed that insubstantiality. Yet, imbued with a streak of self-annihilation, that fragility lured the viewer into reaching out a weightless hand, hardly daring and hardly restraining, in an attempt to catch that intangibility.
Seishirou found himself compelled to touch.
He carefully took hold of a silken hand. Turning the palm upwards, he studied the shallow grooves and indentations engraved there. Fingers tickled slowly upwards over the surface, each digit probing through the space between each of the Sumeragi's slightly curled fingers, clasping their hands together. Rotating their wrists, he brought the back of Subaru's hand towards his lips, and after a moment's contemplation, he lightly kissed the inverted pentagrams that he had branded there so many years ago.
His prey didn't disintegrate beneath his touch and, heartened, Seishirou boldly widened his explorations.
// Subaru looked exhausted, hardly fit to make rational judgments. Which was probably why he allowed the Sakurazukamori, his enemy, to step inside. Seishirou had felt a twinge of disappointment (at least, that was what he labeled that downward jolt of his heart whenever he recognized the potential for an unamusing experience) at not being able to smugly banter with an enraged Sumeragi as he attempted to charm his way into the apartment. He had hoped Subaru would put up a more resisting front. Ah well, perhaps the rest of the evening would be more promising. Quietly he toed off his shoes and handed the younger man the rose.
"A get well present," he elucidated as he hung up his trench coat on the rack.
Subaru graciously accepted it despite the distrustful expression etched on his face before assuming the air of a polite, yet rigid host as he went about the preparations of tea. There was companionable silence as the white onmyouji bustled about the kitchen, almost blindly, Seishirou noted. Subaru's eye was closed wearily as he worked, peering through interlaced lashes only when necessary. Seishirou murmured his thanks as he was handed a cup of tea. They both took quiet sips, staring at the other over the rims of their cups. The Sakurazukamori stifled a sigh; he had hoped Subaru would be a little more entertaining than this.
"What is the purpose of this visit," Subaru finally inquired softly, yet coldly, breaking the thick silence as he set his tea down on the counter. Seishirou perked up slightly at the tone of hostility.
"To make sure all was well," Seishirou said amiably, gesturing to the bandages. "I know from experience that your injury is a rather unpleasant one."
It was barely perceptible, but Subaru's eye constricted, the green of his iris tensing, a reflex of an inward cringe. Seishirou smiled innocently, knowing full well the damage he had inflicted. The Sumeragi was viciously stung at the genial words that implicated him as the reason behind Seishirou's own loss.
"Yes, well, perhaps you can tell your Kamui to keep his hands to himself in the future and we might be able to avoid these little incidents." Subaru's voice had gained a harder edge to it, a retaliation to the previous hurtful statement.
Seishirou batted it right back at him. "Perhaps you can tell your Kamui to fight his own battles. That way you won't have to throw yourself in harm's way every time he needs saving."
The harsh look in Subaru's eyes softened subtly, his voice following suit. "You were there?"
"I was watching, yes. But I have to say that I was disappointed by your performance. I expected better from one of Japan's greatest onmyouji." Seishirou took another sip of tea. "You are truly very kind to hold back like that."
There was a brief pause and the Sumeragi's eye contorted with bitterness, jaw clenched tight against a thousand proclamations that Seishirou could see welling beneath the surface, each one stuck in his throat as they vainly tried to clamber over the rest and find release. Finally, one statement escaped, quieter than the Sakurazukamori had expected. "He looked a lot like you," Subaru gave as an explanation.
"The Dark Kamui?"
"Mm."
"I should hope I don't distract you that much. It'll make for a very uninteresting fight when we finally face off."
Subaru's eye painfully slipped closed at the statement and Seishirou watched with a tiny quirk of his eyebrow as the younger onmyouji seemed to deflate, dejectedly leaning his elbows on the counter, his head resting heavily in his hand. So ungraceful, Seishirou thought disdainfully, swirling the murky liquid around in his teacup. He was going to have to shake the Sumeragi out of this rather dull daze; he decided that springing a particular topic on his prey should be sufficient to stir things up.
"While we're on the subject of the 'Kamui', the Kamui of the Dragons of Earth said something very interesting to me the other day."
"Hmm?" Subaru uttered unceremoniously, his cheek resting in his palm, eye still shut as though to block out consciousness.
"He said that only I could grant your true Wish."
Seishirou grinned as Subaru's eye flew open, the fissures in that green jewel splintering and widening in barely concealed surprise. There was an abrupt intake of breath, Subaru's lips parting slightly to allow the air to come rushing in. But he quickly closed his mouth, biting down on his lower lip.
Seeing as the Sumeragi was going to give no response, Seishirou continued on. "However, it seems that your Wish is different than what I thought."
The young onmyouji took up the rose from the countertop and idly twirled the flower between his fingers, obviously in hopes that he was displaying a convincing mask of indifference, refusing to deign the other with so much as a reply or even a direct gaze. His brow was tense, however, as he privately winced in expectation of what was unavoidably coming next. Seishirou barged on.
"Do you not Wish to kill me?"
Again, another deep breath, which Subaru expelled slowly. His eye glistened up at him, seeming hardly to focus on the enemy before him, but staring rather at the dark corners of his mind. Seishirou let the silence draw out, patiently awaiting Subaru's answer with a benign smile that held no warmth and was brimming with mockery.
"No," Subaru finally admitted in a somewhat monotone voice. At Seishirou's half-curious glance, Subaru held up his hand, palm facing inward. Understanding what the Sumeragi was referring to, Seishirou tapped into the psychic connection between them and the inverted pentagram glared with an eerie light. "If you knew where I was all these years, why didn't you ever come and kill me?"
The benevolent smile subtly turned into a cold smirk. "Interested in dying, are we?" he joked.
Subaru gave him a sad look, his eye forlorn and haunted. Realization struck Seishirou, taking him unaccustomedly aback as he glimpsed the truth in those green depths. //
Stubbing the cigarette out on the glossy wood veneer of the nightstand, Seishirou perched on the bed beside the Sumeragi, the bedsprings faintly creaking beneath his weight. He brushed fingers over Subaru's lips, so soft and supple, tinted the palest rose. His hand inadvertently went up to delicately trace over the gauze that wound through the younger's tousled, raven locks. Seishirou had felt that downward plunge labeled disappointment when he had watched Fuuma's fingers ravage through Subaru's eye. It was almost a sickening pity to mar such beauty; it was like splashing paint over the ceiling in the Sistine Chapel, or tearing down the ancient Pyramids.
Decisively, Seishirou's hand searched through the tangle of black silk, feeling for the clasp of the bandages. He released it upon locating it, loosening the bindings. Bringing his other hand to the base of Subaru's skull, he gently gripped the ebony hair and lifted his head up so as to unravel the gauze. Tossing the white fabric aside and letting the limp head fall back on the pillow, Seishirou gazed down admiringly at the prone form beneath him, the closed eye hiding that one ugly flaw. His own eye of sweetest amber was roving covetously up and down the other's body, ravishing every curve of flesh. He found himself tilting forward, drawn in, his intent stare seeking to make physical contact with the smooth plane of skin.
Seishirou lay his head down on the solid, yet yielding contours of Subaru's chest, the cotton fabric of his shirt soft against his cheek. He felt a hazy kind of relaxation as he breathed in the Sumeragi's distinct fragrance. It was a sharp, yet subtle smell: the musty bitterness of cigarette smoke and the clean freshness of the summer breeze he had been walking around in earlier; vague undertones of sandalwood incense and the lingering taint of isolation, of having shut himself away in his apartment for so long. Minutes went by; Seishirou counted them as he watched the digital numbers of the clock on the nightstand change. The cavity of the younger's chest underneath his ear was hollow, strangely empty since blood and breath had ceased flowing.
The body beneath him was growing cold. Subaru had been dead for almost ten minutes.
//The silence was littered with Subaru's rapid breathing. Seishirou was sure that if he bothered to listen closely, he could also hear the other's heart pounding madly. It had been quite a little speech, backed up by quivering emotions as the young onmyouji had bared his darkest Wish. Seishirou was rather sick of disappointment this evening. Nine years of inflicting agony through his absence and the Sumeragi would come up with this warped inner desire.
<"I want you to kill me.">
Words spoken with shaking conviction. And now they were surrounded by the quiet as Subaru awaited his response.
Seishirou finished off his tea in one swift gulp. Subaru's face crunched slightly, disgruntled. He probably thought the Sakurazukamori was intentionally prolonging the silence in order to bring his anticipation for an answer to its climax. The assassin was, in fact, stalling for time, his brain concocting a rushed dialogue that would hopefully jar the young onmyouji onto the path he thought he had been leading him down all along.
"No," he said finally, not meeting what he was sure was an incredulously angry glare.
"Why not?" Subaru demanded, a venomous whisper through clenched teeth.
Dialogue complete, Seishirou turned a taunting gaze on the Sumeragi. "Let's use a familiar analogy, shall we?" He brandished the teacup in his hand. "Do you feel anything for this cup?" he asked coolly, though his one honey eye was boring into the other with burning regard.
Subaru glowered maliciously at the Sakurazukamori, that one emerald jewel flashing.
<"To me, breaking your arm is like breaking a glass cup.">
"Do you feel sympathy for it when I strike it?" Seishirou asked, flicking at the rim, which produced a dull chink that barely resonated through the air. "Do you miss this cup when it's shut away in the cupboard? Are you lonely without it?" he pried, gold meeting green, the younger's eye cracking beneath the contact. A flurry of emotions were pounding against the surface, trying to break free and spill forth in tears of hate, sorrow, and hurt.
"Are you concerned to see it mistreated in the hands of another?" Seishirou continued, tossing the glass from one hand to another. "Well?" he inquired after a few seconds of tense silence, the intense predator's stare piercing through the other.
Subaru couldn't withstand the pressure and he averted his gaze. His lips were drawn tight, unwilling to form words. "No," he managed in a hoarse whisper, ready to break.
"To me, you are like this glass," Seishirou said casually. "I feel nothing when I hurt you, I don't miss you when you're not around, and," he emphasized with a slight motion of his hand towards the damaged eye, "I'm indifferent to your sufferings at the hands of another.
"I don't feel anything for you."
Then unexpectedly, he tossed the teacup to the side and let it smash to the floor in a crystalline explosion. Subaru flinched away involuntarily at the commotion as shards scattered all around his feet.
"What do you think of this glass now?" Seishirou asked calmly, once the vociferous chime of the crash had dwindled away.
Subaru stared bitterly at the splinters littering the floor, at the broken remains of himself. "I think," he said quietly, "that I have a mess to clean up."
The air was quiet, a severe contrast to the Sumeragi's inner discord. Seishirou relished the disparity for a moment before speaking, adding another noise to the silent cacophony.
"That is precisely why I won't kill you."//
Being the Sakurazukamori, Seishirou was accustomed to death. However, Subaru's passing was making a strange impression on him, the effects of which were causing him to touch and stare at the white onmyouji's form, visually devouring and tactilely possessing the other. It was odd trying to reconcile the fact that Subaru was tangibly here, yet was in actuality gone. It was something Seishirou had never had to do before; he never thought twice about his other victims.
But Subaru was different. Subaru was routine. He was predictable, and though Seishirou disapproved of monotony, he found the Sumeragi's habitual nature rather comforting. Seishirou knew what to expect from the young onmyouji, knew precisely how to go about evoking any given reaction from him, and after nearly a decade of relying on this security, it was rather disconcerting to have it stripped away. He stroked the tender cheek, trying to imagine the rest of his life without this concrete source of solace.
Seishirou let his hand drift down Subaru's neck and slide onto his chest, stopping just above the still heart. Decisively, he raised his hand and let the power begin to build. A white flare engulfed the living dagger, magic crackling around him as it reflected off the walls and illuminated the Sumeragi beneath him. Tranquil features were thrown into harsh relief and Seishirou reflected at how the young boy that used to be was still present in this older incarnation. The moment was bittersweet as once again Seishirou was forced to reconcile something that was with something that wasn't.
He struck quickly, his hand plunging down through the rib cage, the sound of multitudinous cracking bones mingling with the squelch of blood. Seishirou opened his eyes and only just realized that he had actually shut them. His gaze traveled down the length of his arm, on which the Sumeragi was impaled. Beneath his slick fingers, he could feel the cloth of the bedspread.
Hokuto's spell didn't work. He heavily pulled his hand out of Subaru's splattered body.
The blood spilled coldly from the chasm. It wasn't fluid, but slow and viscous. Seishirou had never struck a dead body before, and for inexplicable reasons, he found the experience rather unnerving. Or maybe it was just because it was Subaru he had skewered. He contemptuously wiped his hand on the blankets, trying to get the congealed blood out from between his fingers. Looking down into the yawning hole in the young onmyouji's chest, Seishirou began to feel a similar gaping void located in the vicinity of his heart. It was painful, this feeling born of nothingness that seemed to flow everywhere and nowhere. It was more acute than disappointment, and after searching for a name to label it, Seishirou finally identified the feeling he was experiencing as loss.
He had lost something. No, he amended. He had lost everything.
//The green emerald had shattered, but before the bitter tears could flow, the Sumeragi closed his eye in attempts to shield his pain. Seishirou saw him swaying faintly on his feet and he waited until the last second to reach out and catch Subaru as he fell, saving him from collapsing on the shards of broken glass. Sliding his hand under Subaru's knees, he hefted the onmyouji up into his arms and headed down the hallway to the bedroom.
At the quiet sniffle, Seishirou looked down to see Subaru nuzzling his face against the silken fabric of his suit jacket, scalding tears sliding down his cheeks. His one eye was cracked slightly, woundedly accepting Seishirou's gentle treatment. Subaru whimpered, an inchoate moan in the back of his throat as Seishirou gingerly deposited him on his bed and then turned on the bedside lamp. Subaru flinched at the grating light.
Seishirou noted the bottle of painkillers on the nightstand and picked them up. It was the prescription drugs for Subaru's damaged eye. He peered inside, then looked sidelong at the Sumeragi. "Did you take all of these?" he asked, shaking the bottle, its contents giving a lackluster rattle. He tilted the jar and two lone pills came tumbling out onto his outstretched hand.
"I…" Subaru attempted, trying to focus on the other man through the glaring yellow lamplight. He looked guiltily at the remaining pills in Seishirou's hand. The dark haired assassin inwardly sighed and set the bottle back on the stand. That would explain why Subaru had suddenly collapsed. It also explained his tired demeanor and the uncharacteristic slumping on the counter; the Sumeragi had probably been trying to restrain himself from vomiting. Speaking of which…
"I suppose we're going to have to get you to throw those up."
"You suppose?" Subaru spat out indignantly, lifting his head from the pillow to glower at the other, but strength left him and he quickly flopped it back down on the soft cushion. He instead stared moodily at the light's reflection off the ceiling. "Don't do me any favors, Seishirou-san."
"Would you rather I left you here to die?"
"You know what I would rather have you do!" he snapped testily. Subaru was trying to squint through the garish glow of the light at the other man. "Can you turn that off?" he asked, pupils contracting at the harsh brilliance. Seishirou obliged him and switched off the lamp.
There were a few minutes of dark silence while the Sumeragi seethed and the Sakurazukamori contemplated the situation. "Subaru-kun," Seishirou finally spoke. "I'm afraid I don't understand your intentions. If you Wish for me to kill you, then why would you overdose?"
Subaru suddenly smirked deviously at the ceiling and gave a slight laugh that was a mere breath through his nose. "Let me explain it to you by means of a familiar analogy," he mimicked in Seishirou's previous cool voice, though there was a twinge of bitterness littering his tone.
Seishirou had his full attention on the Sumeragi, intrigued by Subaru's biting wit and what would come of it. Of course, the extent of his fascination was masked by a patient, politely bored look on his face, but his eyes were glittering in anticipation of what came next.
"I," Subaru paused quickly for emphasis, "am a glass. And I am teetering dangerously on the edge of my shelf. A breath one way will send me tilting back onto secure ground, but a breath the other way will send me falling to my destruction.
"I am your glass," Subaru continued, and he lifted his hand with the invisible star embedded in it to prove his point. "And you are watching your glass falter on the edge of existence and nonexistence. What are you going to do?"
"Subaru-kun," Seishirou spoke up, "It's no concern of mine if you're eager to destroy yourself. You merely save me the effort of having to do it myself."
"But then why are you here?" Subaru rushed. "If you truly didn't care, you wouldn't have come. You instead would have just let me die here alone."
"You are my prey-"
"So kill me now," Subaru said with an unhealthy force, "before I die of my own accord. You wouldn't want your prey to escape you forever, would you?"
Seishirou grasped out for some logic to combat that statement, but none was forthcoming. When he had been alerted via the pentagrams that Subaru was overdosing, Seishirou was confused as to why his opposite would give up so easily. So he had "dropped in" on Subaru in hopes of deterring the young onmyouji and rekindling his urge to kill him and avenge Hokuto's death. But then Seishirou had discovered the Sumeragi's real Wish and he understood the real motivation behind the suicide attempt. Subaru was trying to manipulate the Sakurazukamori into finishing him off. Subaru's logic was that if Seishirou saved him before the drugs completely overtook him, then it was because Subaru meant something to him. But if Seishirou allowed Subaru to die, knowing full well that he was withholding aid, then it would just be like he had killed Subaru himself. And according to Subaru's twisted psyche, that would still mean that he had meant something to the older onmyouji.
"Will that affirm your self-worth?" Seishirou finally settled on asking.
"It doesn't matter to me if I am worthwhile to my self. But I want to be worthwhile to you," Subaru spoke quietly. "I would like to know what you intend to do. Am I worthy enough to live or to die? Will you push me back from the edge, or will you allow me to fall and shatter?"
Seishirou regarded the onmyouji for a minute. Then he crossed over to the bed in swift steps and perched down beside the Sumeragi, the green orb watching him guardedly the entire time. Seishirou could feel the younger man's mind become obscure and sluggish. The drugs had a firm grasp and would claim him completely in a matter of minutes. Taking a deep breath, he made his decision.//
There really was nothing left for him to do, Seishirou decided. He gave a last, lingering look at Subaru before rising from the bed and exiting the room. He retrieved his trench coat from the rack, sliding his arms into the sheath of fabric, which conveniently covered up the blood that had exploded on him. He slipped on his shoes and prepared to walk out the door forever, yet he let nostalgic temptation bid him cast a backwards glance.
He savored the very atmosphere of the apartment, heavily imbued with the Sumeragi's aura. Directing a vacant gaze around, his good eye alighted upon something of interest. There on the counter lay the white rose, abandoned on the wide expanse of cold tile. The object of beauty, a gleam of white alone in the empty void of the dark, was reminiscent of the one he had left behind him.
Seishirou walked into the kitchen, ignoring the taboo of wearing shoes around indoors. He figured it did not matter since the place was already tainted with the impurity of death. Stepping up to the counter, he rescued the flower from the icy shadows of night, holding it tenderly between firm fingers. He gazed into the folds of white petals, thinking about how the fragile blossom would soon shrivel up, becoming dry and rotted. Subaru would do the same, the soft snow of his skin decaying away into a blackened slush until nothing was left of his delicate beauty but the hard, impersonal skeleton. Seishirou wondered if the Dragons of Heaven would find the Sumeragi before he reached such a state of decomposition. Surely someone would notice his prolonged absence.
Abruptly, the assassin turned and strode back down the hallway and into the bedroom where his prey lay broken. He laid the rose upon the torn chest, the petals brushing against the spilt blood, and clasped Subaru's cold hands around it. Seishirou squirmed his hands underneath the limp body, lifting the young onmyouji up and cradling him in his arms. Turning towards the balcony, he slid the glass door open and jumped up onto the railing. Innumerable lights stretched away toward the horizon, their sudden cessation demarcating the line between land and sky. A cool wind blew and the Sakurazukamori gently squeezed his precious burden to him as he leapt off into the night.
//Seishirou ran a cool hand through Subaru's silken locks, tracing down along the pale skin and resting along his cheek, thumb gliding gently beneath the good eye.
"Let me tell you a story."
Surprise and confusion flitted momentarily across the emerald orb, but was quickly replaced with curious approval. Subaru tilted his face into Seishirou's touch as he turned to regard the older onmyouji in a silent invitation to proceed.
"Not much is known about the Sakurazukamori," Seishirou began. "What little is known is usually distorted facts. Not even the Sumeragi Clan knows the whole myth behind their nemesis. It has been long believed that the Sakurazukamori is a group of assassins. Not until our…run in…nine years ago has the truth been revealed.
"The Sakurazukamori is only one person. The job is acquired by killing the previous Sakurazukamori. I came into my position by killing my mother, but we were not related by blood. If I remember correctly, she kidnapped me from my real parents and trained me in onmyoujitsu in order to prepare me for the job. That is how the inheritance works; a young child is chosen, taught the ways of magic, and then allowed to kill its predecessor."
Seishirou held up his hand, displaying it for Subaru to see, and concentrated. Light began to materialize, gleaming faintly in the dark, and the whispered outline of an upside down star made itself visible, etched in Seishirou's hand. Subaru blinked, trying to clear the fuzz of the drugs away, believing that what he was seeing was a hallucination. But the pentagram did not fade away, and the Sumeragi stared wide-eyed in astonishment. Seishirou gave a small smile at the bewildered expression.
"When my mother decided to take me as her successor, she branded me, as is in accordance with tradition. The marks signify that the one who bears them is to be the next Sakurazukamori."
"I thought the marks signified the bearer as prey of the Sakurazukamori?" Subaru asked, unconsciously clasping his own branded hands to his chest.
"A distorted fact," Seishirou elucidated. "It's understandable how the brands could be perceived as such however. Centuries ago, when the Sakurazukamori was more well known, people would fear for the safety of their young children. The Sakurazukamori would hunt for the perfect child to take up the position, and when that child was located, he would be marked and then stolen away, like a predator claiming its prey.
Subaru turned pale, horrified at the disclosure. He raised his own hand before his vision, trying to absorb what the older man was telling him. "Why?" he whispered, referring to the implications of the brands upon his flesh.
"I decided, when I was eighteen, to begin looking for a successor since it takes quite a while to train a child in the arts," Seishirou said. "When you saw me kill that girl that day underneath the Sakura tree, I was going to kill you. But then I sensed that you were well trained in onmyoujitsu and I decided that you would be the next Sakurazukamori since it would save me the effort of having to train you myself. But I recognized that you had not reached your full potential at that time. I figured that it would be easiest to allow you to continue your training under your current mentor, so I branded you and let you escape unharmed, but not before erasing your memory of the encounter. I would find you at a later time, when you were strong enough to take over my position." Seishirou chuckled suddenly. "However, I truly had no idea that you were the heir to the Sumeragi Clan."
"But, what about the Bet?" Subaru asked, and Seishirou noted the thickness of his voice, the painkillers numbing and slurring his speech.
"The Bet?" Seishirou said, almost wistfully, staring at the profound corners of his memories. "I made that Bet with you because I needed to see if you were capable of undertaking the duties of the Sakurazukamori. You were so concerned for the souls suffering beneath the tree, and at such a young age too. I figured that when we met again, reality would have taken some of its toll on you, eroding away that pure interior. And so I said that the next time we met, I would be with you for an entire year, protecting and watching over you, in case you did indeed turn out to be a suitable successor. However, if you could not prove yourself worthy after a year, then I would kill you and find another child.
"When our paths crossed again, you were just as innocent as ever. You bore the anguish of others on your shoulders with no regard to your own selfish desires. It was endearing if foolish. But I realized that you would never be emotionally strong enough to be the Sakurazukamori. And so when it was time to make a decision after the year was up, it was evident that you would not be able to take on my duties."
"But you've never killed me," Subaru said wonderingly. His eye slipped shut, the drugs pressing down on him, muffling his consciousness. Seishirou tapped into Subaru's mind via their connection to make sure he was still present. The Sumeragi was mentally alert, ears open to the story though the words were most likely surreal to him as the rest of his body began shutting down.
"Because I did want you to follow in my footsteps and become the next Sakurazukamori," Seishirou continued. "I had watched you for so long that I didn't want the entire time to be in vain. So I did what I did in order to make you hate me. Your heart needed to be ripped open and shown the cruelties of reality. You needed to realize that there is a dark side to everything. Even to the kind veterinarian that you held dear in your heart. I needed to make you tear away that last vestige of innocence before you could be ready to kill me."
Subaru was struggling to look at the Sakurazukamori through his dying eye. "I could never…" he attempted, voice faint.
"I'm aware of that," Seishirou offered, relieving Subaru of having to fight to finish his sentence.
And he really was aware of the fact that Subaru was never going to be able to kill him. Seishirou had put forth a lot of effort and devotion in the last sixteen years, being connected with the Sumeragi. He had tracked him, watched him, and judged him, all in hopes that he would be able to become his successor. In essence, that had been Seishirou's Wish: to be killed by Subaru. Love and self-worth had nothing to do with it; he simply wanted to fulfill that particular duty of the Sakurazukamori. Subaru had been the crux of everything that Seishirou had worked and strived for. But when the young onmyouji revealed his own Wish, Seishirou realized that everything he had lived for was wasted.
Of course, Seishirou thought, he could always save Subaru from the drugs and then enact Hokuto's spell, forcing Subaru into the position. But Seishirou did not pride himself on throwing away years of work for a shoddy quick fix to the situation. The job was entrusted to him and tradition dictated that it be carried out in a proper and precise manner. If the chosen successor could not even kill its predecessor, then how could they be expected to carry out the role of the Sakurazukamori? Seishirou just had to accept the fact that he had failed in his duties.
Seishirou repressed a sigh as he watched his entire life shatter behind his eyes. Looking down into the Sumeragi's gaze, watching as the green fire began to fade, long discarded words came back to echo in his head. And in that moment, he chose to give himself up as well.
"You have shown yourself to be too weak to become the Sakurazukamori," he spoke without preamble. "So to answer your question, I will let you fall."
Subaru was taken aback, the sudden words in the silence jarring him momentarily out of his stupor. "Because now I truly hold no worth to you?" he whispered, his voice sounding defeated and infinitely tired.
"No," Seishirou responded gently, amending for the roughness of his previous statement. "Because it is a wonderful thing to be killed by the one you love. I have devoted myself to you for this long; I can grant you this one last thing."
Subaru managed to part his lips and breathe a scarcely audible "Seishirou-" but the honorific was lost to the night. Seishirou felt Subaru's mind resign itself over to the numbing effects of the drugs, his face already taking on the expression of an eternal peaceful slumber, eyes closed and muscles relaxing. Mentally, Seishirou could hear Subaru calling his name as oblivion reached out black fingers and began to pull him down. The Sumeragi was tearing at the void, scrambling to pull himself back into consciousness, to question that final statement. But the din in his head gradually quieted away as Subaru fell too far under to be saved. The blackness engulfed him whole.
In the gleam of the city lights, Subaru exhaled a shallow breath. He did not inhale again.//
The sky was gray in the pre-dawn light. Seishirou stood on the rooftop of the Seals' mansion, his sixth cigarette of the night dangling between two fingers. He kept an unwavering, dispassionate gaze on the cold form of the Sumeragi lying across the doorstep. Subaru looked almost ethereal, his skin pure white as a result of the cessation of flowing blood and the icy morning air. Inside the house, Seishirou could hear the clink of dishes as breakfast was prepared.
He had meant to deposit Subaru with the Dragons of Heaven and be on his way, but just like before, he had been unable to leave the young onmyouji behind. A rose alone in the cold night, Seishirou could not bring himself to abandon the Sumeragi.
Tearing his eyes away at the last second, he bounded from the rooftop and into the Tokyo sky. This time, he did not allow himself to look back. The sun was peeking up from beneath the horizon, the first rays chasing the chill away. Seishirou headed towards the golden light, deciding that one way or another, he was not going to survive the day.
Behind him, he could hear a young boy's screams as Subaru's body was finally discovered.
~End~
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