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Posted by RackhamRose at 22:50:42 20/02/2003.
Just in time to be a day late for Subaru's birthday! ...not that, you know, he'd particularly appreciate this. ^^;;;;;;
Warning: Character death. Bloody, unhappy character death. Written under the influence of extremely angry Rammstein music. Other than that, the usual swearing and homoerotic weirdness, and a partridge in a pear tree.
Thanks to Ko, MD, Aishuu, Skuld, and Miki-kun, all of whom kicked my ass into finishing this without even knowing it.
*`-,--
Karen closed the door--quietly, so as not to wake Hien and Subaru in the adjacent room--and then padded to the other end of the room.
When she'd decided it would be safer to take up Imonoyama-san's offer of a guest room in the Mansion, to be close to Kamui and the others, she'd taken the opportunity to set up a makeshift shrine near the foot of her bed. It wasn't much--just a low table, a pair of candles, and a small porcelain statue of the Virgin Mary--but it was a comfortable way to preserve the ritual of her faith. Besides, Imonoyama-san had actually permitted her the candles, a thing the ridiculously sensitive smoke alarms in her last apartment had forced her to give up.
She knelt and crossed herself, then concentrated on the wick of one candle. It hissed briefly before sparking into life, the small flame wavering as it took hold. She smiled as she turned her focus to the second candle--though years of practice had broadened her awareness of and control over fire, sparks and little licks of brightness still responded most easily to her.
There was something about candles that reminded her of people--no matter how often you put out the light, you could always coax it back again. A candle was only spent when its wick had burned out; before then, it only slept. It could be brought back with a little help.
Beneath the stiff fabric of her dress shirt, the beads of her mother's rosary shifted warmly against her skin. She kept it hidden beneath her clothes during the day--she didn't really see the need to proclaim her faith to the general public; it was between her and God--and now, as she drew the aged porcelain out past her collar, her body heat clung to them. The perfume she'd put on yesterday, long since faded from her skin, lingered faintly on the eggshell smoothness of the rosary; she could smell it as the beads clicked together. Roses and citrus, and sandalwood beneath it. Though maybe the sandalwood was from Subaru: when he'd nestled against her shoulder she'd breathed in sweetness, incense and flowers and new leather gloves.
So sweet, she thought, fingering the rosary. His heart held so much love, such a great capacity for kindness.
Bless him, Father, she added soundlessly, and began to pray.
"Hail Mary, full of grace..."
Something creaked distantly on the ground floor. The foundations settling, probably.
"...the Lord is with thee..."
Next door, there was a soft noise as one of the futons moved a little. She'd check on Hien after she finished praying--she didn't want the poor girl to have nightmares.
"Blessed art thou among women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus..."
One of the candle flames guttered slightly.
"Holy Mary, mother of God..."
Behind her, the door's hinges squeaked gently. She couldn't suppress a smile. It must be Subaru, coming in on quiet feet to ask about her murmured prayers.... yes, the fingers ghosting across her hair were slender and light and gloved...
"I know she must have had a good heart, just like Karen-san."
"Pray for us now and at--"
And then she had no breath left to pray.
* * *
In the darkness of his room, Subaru woke with a start.
He'd been dreaming of that man again--those sad mismatched eyes, the hands stained with blood--standing half in shadow before him, his blind eye luminous against the hazy greys of the dream. Subaru remembered reaching towards him, seeing the dark figure ripple like melting glass as the man drew back...
Had he really heard something, or had it been his imagination?
He narrowed his eyes, glancing across the darkness to Hien's futon. She was curled up on her side, long hair an almost-black halo beneath her head, her breathing as slow and steady as some faraway tide. That was a relief: she slept, free of nightmares and memories for the moment.
Next door, something moved--a soft sliding and then a thud, as if Karen-san had dropped something. Subaru carefully pulled himself free of the bedcovers, barely managed to avoid stepping on his violin-case, and padded quietly to the door.
"Karen-san...?"
The door squeaked slightly as he pushed it open--just enough to see through--
Karen lay on her side, folded like a pair of gloves thrown carelessly away. Her face was turned away from him, but just past the curve of her shoulders Subaru could see a widening red shadow...there was red on the floor, splattered against the pale off-white of the wall she'd been facing...
Something smelled like cigarettes and sakura.
Subaru clapped a hand to his mouth, slumping heavily against the door; it moved beneath him to nearly slam open. His knees were suddenly weak, he couldn't breathe, he felt as if someone's hands were locked around his throat...
And then, for the first time, he noticed the stranger.
As he had been in the dark, ruined hall of Hien's mind, he was tall and dressed in a black coat too big for him; one hand hung at his side, covered with blood up to the wrist and beyond. He turned to look at Subaru, and beneath his unkempt bangs his eyes were guarded, cold--
Cruel.
The Sakurazukamori turned to leave.
The flood of anger came so quickly Subaru didn't even feel it break over him--all of a sudden he'd launched himself forward, diving for the stranger's throat with a strangled cry of fury.
Crack.
Subaru felt the breath leave his lungs in a short, sickening whoosh as he hit the floor. His head reeled with adrenaline and pain; he struggled to breathe again, to find the card he'd tucked into his sleeve before he'd gone to bed--
The assassin kicked him.
He convulsed once, fighting the urge to throw up, an odd barking sound escaping his throat. Somewhere above him, Karen's murderer gave a soft snort of disgust--
pathetic--
And then Subaru's hand closed around the ofuda in his sleeve.
"...on... marakasha... daka hon..."
There was a strange rushing sound, like wind howling inside the room--and then the shadow towering over him was fragmented, shifting, moving as no human could--
His shape broke up into sakura petals, an impure pink cloud that slashed out of the room as if carried by a high wind.
There was a burst of sound somewhere in the house; Subaru's head throbbed in response to each noise. He pulled in a breath--it was like trying to inhale razor blades--and curled protectively around the bruise he could feel forming on his side.
"Subaru-san--Kasumi-san--!"
Other shapes drifted around and above him; someone's hands were on his shoulders, turning him--
"Hien-san," he managed, and the word was a bone-dry whisper. "Make sure she..."
"Subaru-san! Subaru-san, you okay?"
He glanced up, and Sorata's face was a familiar but indistinct blur.
"Didn't hear him," Subaru murmured. His throat was beginning to close off with pain. "I'm sorry--"
"He's gone," someone yelled, far away from them.
Something like a faint watery murmur ran beneath the rest of the cacophony, almost as if someone were whispering...
Subaru surged up to his knees, gloved hands seeking Karen's shoulders to roll her gently onto her back. "Karen-san!"
Her eyes were dull, unseeing, and her skin almost transparently pale from bloodloss, but her lips still moved slowly. Her breath was a shallow hiss, and her voice nearly a rasp of sound that he had to bend down to hear properly. Was she trying to tell him something, or name her killer, or--
"...for Thine is the... kingdom... the power and the glory..."
He glanced down at her again, and noticed the rosary lying by her shoulder, half-obscured by a dark pool of blood.
"...for ever... and ever..."
I'm so sorry, Karen-san. This is all my fault.
Forgive me...
The young onmyouji closed his eyes as nearly-burning tears began to spill down his face. He felt a faint breath curve against his palms where they rested on her shoulders, and then after another heartbeat that breath slid out slowly, like a door closing.
"Amen," he murmured, and bowed his head to rest his cheek against her hair.
* * *
The Sakurazukamori threw out a hand to steady himself, his breathing uneven and shallow.
His senses felt soaked in blood. It was on his shoes, his slacks, beneath his fingernails; the smell stuck in his throat. He was going to be sick again, he knew he was, he could feel his stomach turning...
And then, with a sudden burst of effort, his lungs filled.
Breathe in.
He had seen his younger self, his own Wish; he'd looked the boy in the eye and felt--what?
Breathe out.
The feeling had been so strong he hadn't even really sensed it take over his mind. He'd simply been wrapped up in it, flooded with it, consumed by its fire.
Breathe in.
His hand had connected with the boy's cheek in a backhanded slap, a movement that swept with the weight of his entire body. There was an immense smear of dark blood on the pale face as he fell, so vulnerable, so helpless... so weak.
Breathe out.
A strange stab of heat had rushed up his spine when he'd kicked his younger self, part of it sheer adrenaline. It was the same kind of heat he'd felt when he'd put his hand through that girl's heart, when he'd struck down Princess Hinoto, when he'd grabbed Karen by the hair and yanked her back to impale her on his arm.
Breathe in.
Looking down at the spatter of red on the floor, and Subaru's crumpled form beside it, he'd felt something almost like satisfaction, a cold lightning bolt in his chest. He had never felt so destructive, and only rarely that exhilarated: he had lashed out and, of his own free will, killed a human being. Someone he'd known and worked beside, however briefly.
He was strong enough to make people suffer. He was strong enough to kill.
And then there was that other burst of power he hadn't anticipated...
When he'd recognised the words of the offensive spell, that heat had dissolved into sudden panic, and he'd reached out wildly. He remembered dark magic creeping around him, half-obscuring his vision, and his lungs burning as if he'd been running... and the Tree's multitoned whisper in his senses every step of the way, until he'd found himself here at the door of Yuuto's apartment with the grey edges going off of his sight.
I told you I reward My faithful, the Tree whispered in his mind. Sumeragi glanced up reflexively--
There was no blood on his hands.
I can give you what you want, and the power to take it.
Because My power is yours, and you are Mine...
For some reason, the memory of his own startled face flashed through his mind, green eyes wide and horrified, pale cheek smeared with blood and tears.
Mine, Sakurazukamori.
He nearly threw himself at the door.
"Kigai-san!"
The same hot feeling of before was sweeping through him, only now it was tinged with something that burned in the back of his throat and along his wrists as he pounded on the door almost hard enough to knock it in.
"Kigai-san, let me in!"
Something crashed to the floor inside, and then suddenly strong fingers had closed around his wrist, and Yuuto was blinking at him in sleep-hazed startlement.
"Sumeragi-san, what on earth--"
Sumeragi lunged forward and pushed his face against Yuuto's shoulder, wrapping his arms tightly around the other Angel in an almost desperate gesture. He didn't feel the watercaster tug him inside, or hear the door shut behind them; for that one blissful, terrible moment, he knew nothing except that he was safe, and that he was trembling.
* * *
Kamui and Subaru sat side-by-side on the couch, staring at the floor. The silence was perfect save for an occasional sniffle, or too-sudden intake of breath, from either of them. Grey pre-dawn light fell in soft, glowing strips along the carpet, but neither boy noticed.
They had been sitting like this for hours, while the other Seals had busied themselves upstairs: Arashi and Yuzuriha had taken care of Hien and moved her to another room, while Sorata and Seiichiro had taken on the job of moving Karen's body. Arashi had come back briefly to help Subaru wash the blood off of his face before disappearing upstairs again, to "check on something"; now it was nearly sunrise, and the two young Dragons were still alone with their grief in the living room.
Kamui tried not to look at the scars on his hands.
I can't believe this, he thought. He'd been dreaming of the Bridge coming down, as he so often did these days, and suddenly he'd felt searing pain shoot through every fiber of him as a red serpent etched itself across the sky and split into a thousand ribbons and screamed...
and died...
Why did she have to be first? Why did it have to be any of us? Why couldn't I stop it? I'm supposed to be a damn saviour and I couldn't do a thing...
"It's all my fault," Subaru whispered.
Kamui startled.
"I should have been more alert." The young clanhead drew his knees up to his chin, gloved hands curling around his shins. "The Sakurazukamori--when they pursue a target, they won't stop... I should have set up a ward, or stayed up to watch the rooms, or--or something..."
"No, Subaru..." Hesitantly, the younger Seal laid his hand on Subaru's shoulder. "You had no way of knowing. None of us did. I... I didn't know either, not until..."
"But I keep thinking there was something I should have done." He relaxed just a little, leaning into Kamui's hand. "She was important to all of us, and... I know she cared about you, too..."
There was a moment of silence, and then Subaru leaned over and hugged him tightly. Kamui stiffened for a single heartbeat before relaxing, getting used to the feel of Subaru's forehead against his shoulder and the change in his scent--a change that felt good in his lungs for the absence of the tobacco smell. Subaru's hair was soft against his neck, and his arms were every bit as strong as they'd been when the onmyouji had brought him out of his waking nightmare, all those months ago when he'd made his choice...
Kamui felt heat begin to rise into his ears and across his throat.
"I'm so sorry," Subaru said.
"Me too... but... I know you did your best."
He turned his face a little to nuzzle the other boy's hair, tentatively, and felt more than heard him sigh in response; one gloved hand stroked his back comfortingly. Loss still howled within him, a piece of his life gone and echoing with absence--but Subaru was so warm, so willing to keep fighting even in the face of this kind of sadness...
"I don't want to lose anyone else," Kamui heard himself murmur. "I won't. I don't care what it takes... I just..."
"I know, Kamui-san... we'll all help you..." Subaru's arms tightened around him briefly before he added, "I know Kamui-san did his best, too."
Kamui pulled back just enough to look Subaru in the eye; there were tears glittering on the onmyouji's cheeks, but they were already drying. A little of Karen's blood still clung in wet black clots to the unkempt black hair on one side of Subaru's face, but the only other evidence that he'd been struck by the Sakurazukamori was a faint redness across the slant of one cheekbone.
When they pursue a target, they don't stop...
But this Subaru, who laughs and plays music and doesn't ignore life--this is really you. This is the person I wanted to know.
Subaru smiled faintly, and one of his gloved hands rose to touch the side of Kamui's face.
"We'll make sure things turn out right," he murmured. "For Karen-san's sake."
Kamui took in a shaky breath, and somehow he managed a brief smile.
"Right."
Subaru's thumb moved against his cheek, and with something like wonder prickling in his fingertips Kamui lifted his hand and touched the faint bruise on the other boy's face. In this hazy not-quite-light, Subaru's eyes were almost blue, a colour he remembered having seen as a child when his mother took him to the beach and they'd watched a storm gathering on the horizon--the sea had gone from green to a strange dark-aqua, full of shadows and flashes of grey...
There was a slight shift in the warmth beneath Kamui's fingers--a blush he could feel but not see.
"I'm glad I met you," he whispered.
Subaru's eyes flicked away for a moment, and his smile quirked with embarrassment.
"M-me too, Kamui-san."
"Please... you can just call me Kamui."
Silence--and then Subaru leaned forward to rest his forehead against Kamui's shoulder again.
"All right, then... Kamui."
Kamui closed his eyes, and relaxed more fully against the other boy. He had no idea how long he'd been awake, how many hours it had been, but it seemed as if he'd woken up in a completely different lifetime after Karen's death, and moved on into one even more different than that. He'd felt that so many times during the course of this last year, had so many days where he'd gone to bed with the world around him altered--but he'd never felt quite this warm and sheltered, had quite this much comfort in the face of his pain...
He sighed softly, nestling into the crook of Subaru's neck.
"Tired?" the onmyouji asked, his thumb moving against Kamui's skin.
"Yeah, a little... you?"
"Yeah..."
Kamui let his fingers stir over the curve of Subaru's cheek, brushing back until they encountered soft hair and then moving forward again in a slow rhythm. Subaru tilted his head into the touch, ever so slightly, like a tired cat responding to a caress; his breath stirred warmly against Kamui's neck in a soundless sigh. It was so comfortable, so absurdly normal--Kamui wondered whether he might not be asleep and dreaming already, wrapped up in an almost unreal sense of safety...
Subaru's thumb ghosted across his lower lip.
He raised his head a little, and found himself staring into an endless well of dark blue-green. The world seemed strange around the edges; everything was out of focus, but then again everything was just Subaru's eyes, and he was having trouble making his lungs work the way they were supposed to...
The blush rose against his fingers once more, but Kamui only noticed it for a split second before his eyes slipped shut and he leaned forward.
It was the first time he'd ever kissed someone (though he'd come painfully close with Fuuma once, what seemed like an eternity ago), and somewhere at the very back of his mind he was a little afraid that he was doing it wrong; but the warmth and the smoothness of Subaru's lips against his own felt so good that the fear simply blended with the strange floaty feeling creeping up the back of his neck. Subaru's breathing stuttered for a moment before he relaxed, his lips parting gently against the other boy's, those gloved fingers drifting back to curl around the back of Kamui's neck just above the collar of his shirt...
It doesn't hurt, he found himself thinking, in a haze of warm astonishment. It doesn't hurt at all.
* * *
In the endless, glass-slick blackness of his dreams, Subaru walked a spiral path, and his feet never found the centre.
He didn't know what he was moving towards, only that it was far less warm than Kamui's arms--he could still distantly hear the other boy's heartbeat, echoing nearly in rhythm with his own--and that wherever he was going was a thousand times less safe than the welcome dizziness that had washed over him as he drifted off to sleep after that single, soft kiss...
But he couldn't make himself turn back, and thinking about straying from this path felt wrong, somehow.
He kept moving.
Something shattered ahead of him, a noiseless breaking as of strained muscle ripping loose from bone. Subaru startled, but his feet moved along that spiral and dragged him unwillingly along towards... what?
"I'll kill you, you know..."
Sakura fluttered against his cheekbone, as gentle as a breath, and he realised that the road beneath him was wet with blood.
"For Thine is the kingdom, the power, and the glory..."
There was a shadow against the darkness somewhere at the edge of his vision, walking with the same rhythm as he did in slow, measured steps. Subaru tried to make his body run, but it wouldn't obey him, so all he could do was watch as the shadow walked.
"Please... you can just call me Kamui."
kamui...
His Clan had taught him that the world was based on the principles of yin and yang, so everything had a mirror and a balance; this was why magic returned to the caster and why his grandmother's strength had diminished with the birth of each new child in the Sumeragi family. This was why the Sakurazukamori existed, and why the clan heads had been taught to move with caution and to strike without compunction when they recognised each other.
Seven Dragons of Heaven, and Seven Dragons of Earth...
He remembered handling delicate old papers from the family library, with their vague prophecies written in obscure characters. Whoever had copied down the words had done so in a shaking hand, and had written some of the names wrong...
In one paragraph, he'd found kamui, the Hunter, destroyer of Heaven's glory.
And in another, kamui, the Messiah, the glory itself.
The shadow paused, and Subaru felt himself stop.
Why am I following him?
The balance was thrown off, now; things were changed irrevocably, by the Sakurazukamori's action and his own inaction... but something had seemed not quite balanced about the assassin himself. For one thing, there was that single eye milky with blindness, and the glimpses of both sorrow and rage he'd seen--there was some other reason for his killing than the Sakura Barrow's thirst.
i'll make a bet with you...
Subaru raised a hand to his eyes, curling forward a little in confusion; when he glanced up, he could see that the figure ahead of him had done the same. The backs of his hands, beneath his gloves, were burning with a strange insistent heat he'd never felt before...
Why is this happening now?
The loneliness etched on the Sakurazukamori's somehow-familiar face still haunted him--and no, he couldn't forgive him for killing someone as sweet as Karen-san, but something was not right, and it made the order of the universe tremble around him, yin and yang crackling and bleeding into each other in dangerous chaos...
Who are you?
The question tore loose from him, and resounded across the darkness; slowly the shadow turned, and Subaru saw the path break open between them. One torn and bloodied white wing hung useless from the Sakurazukamori's shoulder, and the world shook around them with sudden red intensity--
And Subaru woke with a start, catching his breath as his eyes opened to the blinding gold of sunrise.
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