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Posted by Rae at 14:41:53 24/10/2002.
Man of straw
by Rae ( isiseyes@kazooi.net )
X belongs to Clamp. Not Rae.
This was written in about thirty five minutes before my math lesson. ^^; I feel like I should be doing the bath-lady from FruBa's thing- "Fooooorgiiiiiive me for this awfulness! ;_; *SPASMBOWSPASMPANIC*'- but my stomach hurts too much. ^^
Semi-explicit. Spoilers for X16 (I think that's the volume)
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There was still blood on his hand.
Sumeragi Subaru looked dully down at it, his face almost expressionless. There were no tears in his eyes. He had cried all he could, and he was numb to the pain now.
Or maybe it just hurt so much that he could no longer feel it.
He rubbed his fingers together automatically as he glanced up at the Tree, something like pleading entering his good eye- pleading to be told that it wasn't true, that it couldn't be true.
He shouldn't have been able to kill the dark onmyouji.
He hadn't WANTED to.
Shouldn't that have counted?
The feeling of something flaking away between his fingers made him look down again instinctively, eyes widening a little as he saw the blood flaking away from his fingers. NO!
He stopped his gesture immediately, staring down at his hand with a horribly lost expression.
"…Seishirou-san…"
In some distant part of his mind, Subaru thought that he should have choked the words. Or maybe screamed them out in defiance to the night sky, into the very heavens themselves. Was he not a Dragon of Heaven? Didn't he have a right to scream at the reason he had lost…
"Seishirou-san…"
Instead it was a soft whisper, barely audible, and telling of the grief that clenched the Sumeragi's eyes shut by its very softness.
WHY?
"Subaru-kun."
The younger onmyouji's eyes snapped open and he whirled around to stare in disbelief and denial at the black trench-coated figure standing just beyond the Tree. "…S-s-sei…." he swallowed painfully, eyes startlingly wide. There was a ripple of something in the back of Subaru's mind, but he ignored it, staring as the dark onmyouji came closer.
"Y-you…you can't…I…I killed….I killed…" Subaru was shaking his head frantically as Seishirou cupped his cheek tenderly, but he didn't back away. He doubted he could've.
He doubted he wanted to.
"Hai." the Sakurazukamori smiled faintly, eyes hidden behind those hated mirrored shades. At that moment, as the assassin brushed his lips lightly over Subaru's, he couldn't have cared whether Seishirou's eyes were visible or not. He responded with near frantic need, pressing as close to Seishirou as he could possibly get. The dark onmyouji slid an arm around his waist, drawing their bodies against one another.
And this was right, Subaru knew, because Seishirou was his Special person and how could it not be right? They were meant to be together.
"…b-but…you're…you're…" he looked down at the ground, feeling his throat clench around the words. The words that he wished he didn't have to speak. "…you're dead…"
"………" Seishirou studied him, his expression distantly amused as he stroked those cool fingers along Subaru's cheek lightly, as if soothing a restless bird. "Am I, Subaru-kun?" he asked, taking the onmyouji's blood-stained hand and pressing it to his heart. Subaru began to shiver helplessly, staring at where Seishirou's pale fingers were curled around his own bloody ones, pressing them into the fabric of his shirt where the reassuring beat of the Sakurazukamori's heart could be felt under his fingertips.
"Are you sure about that?"
"H-how…?" Subaru asked desperately, looking back up at Seishirou with that misery-filled green eye. Eyes that Seishirou had been so fond of; he said that you could read every single one of Subaru's emotions in them, and yet it had seemed that the assassin had been unable to read the strongest one of all.
"Shhh." gently, tenderly, the assassin rested one long finger against the Sumeragi's trembling lips. Subaru's eyes slid closed despite himself; it was pure need that made him kiss the finger, fingers curling tightly into Seishirou's shirt.
"Seishirou…san…"
And now it was choked, a painful, hurting whisper. Dimly he felt the other onmyouji's hands slide caressingly down his back, felt Seishirou's lips on his own, felt those skilful fingers dance up his spine just under his shirt.
He wanted this so much it hurt. Needed it so much it was almost killing him.
He turned his head, kissing blindly at Seishirou's temple, needing to feel the older onmyouji's mouth against his again even if only for an instant. Seishirou complied, tongue brushing so sweetly against Subaru's, and then they were on the ground and he could feel the trails of heat left by Seishirou's hands as they wandered leisurely over his body.
His back arched a little as he moaned softly, eyes fixed unseeingly on the splinters of night sky seen through the sakura branches. He felt rather than heard Seishirou chuckle softly against his stomach, deft fingers slipping open his pants and stealing inside to…
Subaru let out a hoarse cry, head tipping back and eyes squeezing almost painfully closed again as Seishirou closed his fingers around sensual heat and stroked. So slowly, as if he wanted to memorise the feel of Subaru.
"Shh, Subaru-kun."
There was some odd quality of amusement in his voice, but Subaru barely noticed it, caught as he was in the first wave of startlingly intense pleasure. His hips moved restlessly, pushing into Seishirou's hand as he opened his eyes again to stare up at the stars, sparkling brightly between the leaves and blossoms.
He wanted this…
No, needed it to be real.
So he closed his eyes again and just let himself move with the growing heat in his body, let himself savour the feeling of the assassin's fingers and his mouth as he brushed another light kiss over Subaru's mouth.
It was…
There was a burst of bright light behind his eyes, a building wave that crashed over him and took him with it as he clutched at the older man's broad shoulders to try frantically to hold on, crying out in pleasure as his back bowed almost unnaturally.
And then it was over, and he was lying in the mossy warmth of the rich earth with the smell of sakura and cigarettes lingering pleasantly in his senses. He felt Seishirou move to press one final kiss against his mouth, and opened his eyes slowly to stare up at the assassin.
"Let me see your eyes." he heard himself say quietly, without emotion. For a moment the Sakurazukamori looked faintly surprised, then he smirked and reached up to finger the dark frames consideringly.
"Are you sure, Subaru-ku--"
"…don't call me that." Subaru's voice was as soft as before. "It's over now."
The other man nodded, still smirking faintly. "Is it?" he asked pleasantly, removing the dark glasses.
Subaru stared up at matching amber eyes, feeling the quiet lassitude settling over him, the pleasant emptiness just below his stomach. That emptiness was far better than the hollow void where his heart should have been.
Then he turned his head to the side, staring at the Tree with dull eyes. "…go away."
"As you wish." he felt the Dark /Kamui/ move to kiss his exposed neck, and shifted swiftly away.
"No."
The teenager stilled, still smiling that faint, damnable smile. "Why not?"
Subaru swallowed and closed his eyes, breathing softly. "You aren't /him/, any more."
"I never was, Subaru."
Subaru didn't reply nor did he turn to watch as Fuuma stood gracefully and dusted his knees off, slipping the Sakurazukamori's trench-coat off of his shoulders and dropping it casually on top of the onmyouji curled beneath the branches of the Tree. "Until next time, then?"
Subaru didn't reply. He didn't need to. They both knew the answer already.
He felt the Dark /Kamui/'s presence retreat, leaving him alone under the heavy branches. Always so painfully alone.
Slowly he brought his bloody hand into his line of vision, staring at it for a long moment before he wiped it clean, first on the grass and then scrubbing at it painfully with the corner of his own trench-coat. The blood was no longer important. He hadn't known the woman's name. Hadn't needed to.
He had been told to kill her, and that was all that mattered. That was all that had mattered to Seishirou as well.
It was the wrong hand, anyway.
--end--
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